they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
