I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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