Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
