if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
