im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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