When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
