yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
