You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
