No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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