He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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