we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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