Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
