i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
