Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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