I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
