My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
