i wish my penis had a tongue
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We need to get me chipped asap
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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