Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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