4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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