I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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