and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
