hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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