I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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