I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
