I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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