I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
