So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
