three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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