so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
