You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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