hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize