I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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