every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
