are you still at the devil's house?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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