she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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