so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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