Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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