the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
