Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
