i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
