Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize