No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
