you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize