Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
