when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
