my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize