Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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