yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how drunk are you?
Several
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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