It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
