I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
be right there i have to get my cape
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize