awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
