I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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