I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
