wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
