I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
