Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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