I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
