there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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