I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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