Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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