As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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