Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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