i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
