oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
