apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The best revenge is premature balding
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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