When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
