Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize