If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize