Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
