I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
