OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
