My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
