Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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