Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
