i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
