so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She needs sedatives and a leash
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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