I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize