fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
