I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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