On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
