At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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