if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize