my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize