wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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