I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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