Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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