I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
