how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
