wanna go halves on a baby?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize