Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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