new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
