He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize