i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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