what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
