I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize