awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize