It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The air was thick with penises
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
